Cartmanrama
by Femalefan
Summary: During the Go God Go two part er, instead of waking in 2526, Eric Cartman finds himself 1000 years in the future and in New New York city.


Disclaimer: Everything related to South Park and the actual Go God Go two part ep belong to Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Comedy Central, and Viacom. While Comedy Central, Matt Groening and whoever else, own the right to Futurama.

I only own the idea for this story

Notes: Will be set during the SP season 10, 2 part ep Go God Go and between seasons 5 and 6 of Futurama. Might also be AU

As there isn't a South Park/Futurama crossover section I'm posting it here. Also it's not beta tested and Wordpad has no spekll check so forgive any errors.

""-dialog

''= thoughts

**Kenny's muffled speech **

Warnings: contains some language and mentions of drinking from Bender. Rated T to be safe. Also might have Oocness

Souht Park, Colorado 2006

Eric Cartman had enough of waiting for the latest game console to be released which was about 3 weeks from now. Instead of waiting he had gotten the idea to freeze himself had tried doing so in his frezzer but his mom, Liane Cartman stopped him and assured him that the release day would come soon enough and to be patient. Since that didn't work he decided to use the snow around his town, which mainly had cold weather. He'd freeze himslf and have Butters get him when the wait was over.

The nine year old had brown hair, wore a blue hat with yellow trim, a red jacket, yellow gloves and was what his mom called "Big boned" despite his classmates calling him Fatass

Meeting at his house one day after school, he had told Kyle, Kenny and Stan his idea.

"You can't freeze yourself, it's a stupid idea." said Kyle

"Only because you're Jewish and Jews can't freeze themselves." said Cartman

"Shut Up Fatass! Jews can too!" retorted Kyle

Kyle had red hair, wore a lime green hat, orange jacket with green trim, green gloves, and brown pants. Stan was a raven haired boy with a blue hat that had a red trim and red poof ball on top. Kenny was the poorest of the four and had an orange parka that covered most of his face including his blond tresses and brown gloves. Unlike the rest of the world, when he died he doesn't stay dead and no ne ever remembers.

"Cartman, Kyle is right and just because someone was alive after being frozen for three years doesn't mean it will work." said Stan remembering when they were in 3rd grade and had found a man who had been on ice since 1996. That had for a short time cost Stan and Kyle their friendship because they couldn't agree on what to name him.

**"I have to agree with Stan and Kyle on this one" **muffled Kenny

"Screw you guys. I'm getting frozen." stated Cartman as he left his house heading towards the Stotch residence. Butters Stotch was a shy boy and had a tuft of blonde hair. He wore a blue coat and his parents had a habit of grounding him for the littlest things. After Butters agreed to help Cartman they went on their way and once the deed was done, he went home but was grouded for three weeks for tracking snow in the house. He also forgot to unbury Cartman which left the boy frozen until the 31st century

New New York, 3006 Planet Express building

"Good news everyone!" said Professor Hubert J Farnsworth

The rest of the PE crew especially the robot Bender, Turanga Leela, the ship's captain who had one eye, purple hair that she wore in a pony tail,wore a white tank top, pants, and boots and Phillip J Fry, the professor's many times great uncle who had red hair, large nose, and wore a red coat over a white top, jeans, and shoes silently groaned since it normally meant something bad.

The rest of the crew included Amy Wong, a Chinese girl who donned pink pants and pink sweatsuit and was born on Mars, Doctor Zoidberg, a giant lobster like alien from Decapod 9 and wasn't great when it came to human anatomy, Hermes Conrad, the resident Bureaucrat from Jamaica.

There was also Nibbler, Leela's pet whose poo or rather dark matter fueled the Planet Express ship.

The professor himself was old, bald but had red hair like Fry's, wore glasses, and a lab coat over a blue shirt and pants.

"A friend in Colorado has discovered a frozen child and you're to bring him back here. All they know is he is nine and looks to have come from about Fry's time " continued the scientist

Fry could understand the feeling of being frozen and waking 1000 years later. In his case he had been accidently frozen in a Cryogenetics lab on new years eve 1999 and had woken 1000 years later on New Years Eve 2999. He had met Leela and then Bender, discovered he had a nephew is living and had become a delivery boy from the Planet Express along with Leela who flew the ship and Bender.

Sure he had missed the past sometimes but understood that he was brought to the future because he was the only one immune to the Brain Slugs due to him not having the delta brian wave from him going to 1947, sleeping with his grandma after failing to keep his grandfather alive and becoming his own grandfather.

Fry, Leekla, and Bender completed their task and brought the still frozen Cartman to the PE building to thaw out in the Professor's Heat Machine.

"Where am I and who are you people?" asked Cartmam once he had thawed out and saw the group in front of him

There was a purple haired cyclopes lady, a robot, a red haired male, an elder mad scientist looking guy, an Asian girl in pink, a Lobster like creature who was wearing a doctor's coat and flip flops, and a flabby black man

It was Fry who had answered the boy's question "You're in the Planet Express building in New New York in the year 3006. I'm Fry, these are Leela, Bender, Dr Zoidberg, Amy Wong, my 30x great nephew Pro Farnsworth, and Hermes Conrad." gesturing to the crew as he said their names

'I'm 1000 years into the future' thought Cartman

"I'm Eric Cartman from 2006 and am called Cartman and how the hell is he your nephew if he's older than you?" questioned Cartman

Fry had launched into the story of how he ended up in the future, about meeting Leela, Bender, and his employement as a Delivery Boy in his nephew's company. He also asked how Cartman had ended up where he did.

"That's so cool and you like fly to other planets and stuff delivering things. I froze myself because there was a game console I wanted but wasn't out for 3 weeks and so rather than waiting, I had Butters bury me in the snoe near our town of South Park."

"As interesting as that is, there is the question of what to do with young Eric here and who he'll stay with." said Hermes

"He can stay with me and Nibbler and on Monday I'll enroll him in New New York Elementary which isn't far from my apartment." Leela suggested knowing the kid would be doomed if he was left in Fry and Bender's care. Besides she had a spare room and bathroom which he could use.

As it was a Friday night, Leela took him supply and clothes shopping the following day. Sunday night the crew had taken him to Elzar's for dinner and it was the first time he saw that humans, aliens, and robot coexisted though the robots were much cooler than his Awsome O 2000 the time he had tricked Butters, though once Cartman revealed himself, the other boy got his revenge by showing a video of Cartman dancing with a cut out of Justin Timberlake while dressed as Britney Spears.

In the restaurant Leela had told him that most bots were good and the majority of the aliens were harmless only wanting to live the Earthican dream. Like Elzar who was from Neptune. He had been taken aback when he first met the four armed purple Neptunian and calmed down when he realized that none of E T's were going to anal probe him.

He had remembered when the Visitors had done that.

Come Moday morning he was up, dressed, and Leela ready to take him to the school. After enrollment he was told to walk back to Leela's after school and then a Transport Tube to take him to the Planet Express building where he would do homework. Before school he of course would walk.

The principal walked him to his homeroom which was taught by a Mr Harris

"All right class, we have a new student with us named Eric Cartman." said the teacher whom looked a lot like Mr or he should say Mrs Garrison except with brown hair, grey shirt, and jeans, with no glasses and wasn't currently a woman. He had hoped that this new teacher actually did some teaching unlike Garrison who rarely taught the 4th graders anything of value.

"Now Eric, why don't you tell us a little about yourself." he said

Cartman told them that he was from the past, born in Colorado and his previous teacher addressed the students by first name.

After that he took his seat next to a Kyle look alike minus the hair color and from what he could tell, wasn't a Jew.

From what he could tell Harris was a excellent teacher though like with Garrison addressed the students by their first names.

He did what Leela told him to do and started his homework while Leela, Fry and Bender were making a delivery to the Wooded Planet whose only source of water was a medium ocean and small rivers and a lake.

The Professor did help him when he needed it the crew came back in time to watch _All My Circuts_, which was a robot soap that Fry and Bender enjoyed watching.

His weekly routine consisted of school, Planet Express and back home after dinner and sleep. During the weekends he hung out with Hermes' son Dwight and Farnsworth clone, Cubert. Sure they were older but they were cool to play with.

With all the walking he did, he managed to lose some weight.

He also hung out with Fry and Bender watching television with them and drinking Slurm, a soda like drink that was a favorite of Fry's. Secretly he did miss the past and his mom, Cheesy Poffs, Terence and Phillip, Snack Smores, My Kittty, his cat and even his friends. Including Kyle whom he missed ripping on for being Jewish and a ginger.

When seeing the child looking sad one Saturday evening, Fry had asled "What's wrong Eric?"

"Do you ever miss the past Fry?"

"I do miss my family and dog Seymore but in the past I had a job I hated, a girlfriend who dumped me and no home after that. On the other hand here I have a job I like, friends, and a roommate in Bender, Even if he does bring home floozies" said Fry

"The future is cool and all but I miss my home, classmates, mom, my friends. I'm even missing my favorite snacks and Terrence and Phillip." Cartman said

"I remember Terrence and Phillip, they were a Canadian duo who paased gas alot. I watched that show a lot when I was younger." replied Fry

In no time at all it was nearing Christmas and Cartman had estimated that he had been in 3006 for three months now though after Fry told him about the homocidal Robot Santa, he wasn't as thrilled and had wondered what happened to the flesh and blood version he knew.

It had been the early afternoon of Christmas Eve when he received a visit from his friends who appeared in a flash of light and the PE crew were lounging in the living area of the Planet Express building watching a rerun of _Eveyone Loves Hypno Toad_

_"_What are you guys doing here and how?" asked Cartman seeing that Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters had somehow managed to come to the future

"We had the geeks next door to me build another time machine, only without needing Timmy's chair. As for ending up in this time, we just skipped ahead every 100 years or so. The downside is that one of them dropped it so it can only go forward in time." answered Kyle

Once Cartman introduced his friends to the Planet Express crew and the crew to his friends, he had suggested that they be shown New New York and that Professor Farnsworth could either fix it or build a machine to send them all back.

"It would take a few days and against my better judgement Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Butters can stay with Bender and Fry. Not to mention Cartman's time travel duplicate would be doomed once you 5 return to 2006.

If you do go out please be back before sundown or else you'll be caught outside by the Robot Santa." said the Professor

"Robot Santa?" asked Stan

Fry answered with "He is a homocidal robot who has a high standard of what is naught and nice."

"My family is Jewish so we don't celebrate Christmas." said Kyle

Still Kyle was thankful of his faith and that there wasn't a Haukkah version of the Santa Bot

"Still it's best you all return here before nightfall." said Leela

After that the South Park kids headed out with Cartman showing them various places including the ruins of old New York and explaining how robots, humans, and aliens lived and worked side by side and how not all of them were good. He showed them the Head Museum and after that they spent the rest of the time before dusk, hanging out in Central Park.

Cartman had learned that his mom and his classmates kind of missed him including Clyde Donovan who had been named the fattest kid in their class despite being the same weight as the rest of Garrison's class, Garrison was still a woman, and that about a week had passed since he was frozen.

It was 30 mins until sundown when they decided to head back to the Planet Express, however as they were leaving the park. They encountered the Robot Mafia which was lead by the Donbot.

"Hand over what you have and you kids can run along" said the Donbot

"Gee fellas, we don't have any thing of value and we're nine." replied Butters

"Hand it over or I'll clamp ya!" threatened a gold robot with clamps for hands

"Clamps. calm down." said the tallest of the three to the gold bot

"Not quite, Kehyl why don't you give them your Jew gold." suggested Cartman

"First of all my name Kyle! Second of all Fatass, Jews don't carry gold on them!" said Kyle

"Ai! You no good Jew I'm not fat and I've lost some weight." said Cartman

"If I give you ten dollars, will you leave us alone?" asked Stan

"It's a fair deal." answered the Donbot and they left once Stan had given them their $10

They'd reached the PE building and went inside just in time for nightfall

In no time at all the security measures the Professor had to protect the building and occupants against the killer Santa Bot were in place, owever that didn't stop the Bot from blasting in through the fireplace.

"The Planet Express crew and I see a few new young ones too. Not to worry, I have a few unpleasant surprizes in store for you all. Except Zoidberg, Butters, and Kyle, who I see is Jewish." said the evil Santa

With that he started throwing knives all over and luckily he missed the intended targets as they were ducking for cover except Kenny, who he hit square in the heart. After that he made his exit back through the fireplace

"Oh my god! He killed Kenny!" shouted Stan

"You Bast- oh wait never mind." Said Kyle who noticed Kenny was still alive pulling the weapon out and the wound was healing.

"That should have killed you." stated Fry

I can't die and I guess my immortality still works here. said Kenny

"This is amazing and scientifically impossible. Do you know why that is?" asked Farnsworth

All I know is when I get killed, I see a white light or end up in hell for a short time. After that I wake up in my room in my clothes and none of my friends ever remember! Even if they saw me get run over or decapitated with their own eyes!Stan is always saying"Oh my god!" and Kyle calls them Bastards. exclaimed Kenny

"Dude, we're sorry. We didn't know." said Stan

"I actually remember Kenny dying that one time." spoke Butters

"When was this?" Cartman '

"When you guys made me the 4th member in your group, voted me out and I adopted the Professor Chaos persona. Tweak then became the fourth friend for awhile and he left." answered Butters

After that everyone had dinner fixed by Amy as Bender can't cook and afterwards everyone except the Professor, as he lived there went home.

About a week later Farnsworth had built a time machine to send the five boys back home including Cartman who was warned that once he was back, he had to off his duplicate because one of them was doomed anyway.

Stan. Kenny, Kyle, and Butters had gotten used to the strangeness of the 31st century, Bender's drinking and floozies, and Bender's expressions like "Kiss my shiny metal ass!" and the night before they were due to leave, Farnsworth took to dinner at Elzar's.

The rest of the 21st century folk were in awe of the place and the Neptunian server which wasn't odd because the only aliens they'd intereacted with were Zoidberg and Nibbler when Leela took him with her to work.

They went back to a few moments after Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butter left in 2006 the next day and Cartman dealt with his frozen self even if it meant never going to the future, meeting the Planet Express crew or ever seeing his friends again.

Leann Cartman was thrilled to see her son and Cartman had learnt to be patient especially since mom gave him a party the following weekend. His classmates, while not thrilled he was back listened as he spoke of the future which strangly remembered even though he shouldn't have since with the Frozen him gone, he would not end up in 3006 New New York.

The End

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